I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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