I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
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WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
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It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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