out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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