No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
