When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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