I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
