mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So apparently I’m into choking now
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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