it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
