I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
