His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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