I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
