On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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