it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
