His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
