I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
