I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
