Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
this must be what syphilis tastes like
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
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i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
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omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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