is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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