Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Randomize
