i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
