No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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