i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
