he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
