Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
