I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
