dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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