That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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