Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize