he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
