3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
People in love make me want to vomit
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
