just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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