why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
