am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
