Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
