oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
