you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
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so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
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Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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