She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
