Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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