well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
