dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
