I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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