mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
