the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
