you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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