When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
