she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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