Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
