i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
