I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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