You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
