I'm going to jail i love you
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
