if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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