Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
