drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings