in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.