life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now