what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.