what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
