i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
