wakey wakey hands off snakey
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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