Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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